It’s the beginning of February, and many sources estimate that up to 80% of New Year’s resolutions have already been abandoned. You may be one of them.  An important point to consider, most people don’t fail at change because they lack information. They fail because they hit the messy middle.

That space after the inspiration fades but before the results arrive. The space where motivation gets replaced by friction. Where clarity becomes cluttered again.

Where progress becomes slower than expected. Where old patterns start whispering, See? You’re back here again.

And it’s right there—in the messy middle—that most tools go to die. Not because the tools are bad. But because tools were never designed to carry the full weight of human transformation.

The Myth We Keep Buying

In the leadership and personal development world, we are constantly sold the same promise:

If you just use the right model, you’ll get the outcome.
If you just use the right communication framework, you’ll have the conversation.
If you just set the right goals, you’ll stay disciplined.
If you just create the right habit structure, you’ll stay on track.
If you just apply the right coaching tool, your people will shift.

And for a while, it works.
Because early change is powered by energy. By novelty. By hope. By possibility.
The beginning of change is a clean room. It is exciting. It is organized. It is filled with intention.

But then something happens. Life keeps lifting. The inbox fills back up. The team gets reactive again. The family needs something. The body gets tired. The mind starts negotiating. The calendar starts screaming. And slowly, the new behavior starts to feel like an inconvenience instead of a breakthrough.

That’s when people assume they need a better tool. But most of the time, they don’t need a better tool. They need a deeper foundation.

The Middle Is Where Identity Gets Involved

The messy middle is not logistical. It is psychological. It is emotional. It is existential.

Because once the novelty wears off, the change begins to bump into something far more powerful than a lack of strategy. It bumps into identity. And identity is always stronger than intention.

This is where the leader who was excited about delegation starts quietly taking things back. This is where the coach who believed in empowerment starts giving advice again.

This is where the person who wanted to get healthy starts bargaining with their own exhaustion. This is where the high performer who said they were “ready to slow down” starts speeding up again.

Not because they forgot what to do. But because their nervous system doesn’t fully trust the new way of being. Because their emotional wiring is still organized around an older story. Because alignment has not yet replaced performance as the operating system. And the messy middle exposes that.

Why Tools Fail (Even When They’re Brilliant)

I love tools…don’t get me wrong. The Global IOC curriculum is filled with tools. Just ask any former graduate. And yet, over time, we’ve evolved our development process. The APC is where leaders learn the tools. The RPC is where they learn how to think. And the SRPC is where they learn how to see the system that keeps pulling people back into the same patterns.

Because we’ve come to understand something important: tools are designed for execution. For action. For movement. But the messy middle is not an execution problem.

It’s an integration problem.

In the middle, you are not just trying to do something differently. You are trying to be someone different. You are trying to sustain a new rhythm. Hold a new boundary. Stay grounded in a new identity. Lead from a new center.

And that requires more than tactics. It requires internal coherence. It requires a kind of emotional maturity that doesn’t get shaken every time the environment gets loud. Tools can help you start. But tools can’t hold you when the emotional weather changes.

The Middle Is Where Misalignment Reveals Itself

This is also where the truth shows up. Because the messy middle doesn’t just reveal whether you have discipline. It reveals whether the change you’re pursuing is actually aligned with who you are and who you want to become.

Some people burn out in the messy middle because they’re trying to sustain a version of success they no longer believe in. Some people lose momentum because the goal they chose was rooted in approval rather than purpose. Some people can’t sustain the habit because it was built on force instead of rhythm. Some leaders keep “working on communication” because they’re avoiding the deeper truth: they don’t trust their team.

Some organizations keep launching initiatives because they’re unwilling to confront the cultural patterns that keep swallowing them.

The messy middle is not failure. It is feedback. It is the moment where your internal system starts telling the truth.

Sustaining Change Requires a Different Kind of Strength

There is a kind of strength that looks impressive at the beginning of change. The “I’m motivated, I’m determined, I’m doing it” strength. But sustaining change requires a grounded kind of strength. A steadier kind. The kind that doesn’t require adrenaline.

The kind that doesn’t collapse when things get inconvenient. The kind that can tolerate discomfort without immediately needing relief. That kind of strength is built through alignment. Not force.

And alignment is not a concept. It is a practice. It is the practice of returning—again and again—to what is true. What matters. What fits. What is worth sustaining.

The Question That Changes Everything

When someone hits the messy middle, the question is not: What tool should I use? The question is: What is this resistance trying to protect? Because resistance is rarely laziness. It is usually loyalty. Loyalty to an old identity. Loyalty to an old belief. Loyalty to an old strategy that once kept you safe.

When you understand that, you stop treating resistance like an obstacle. You start treating it like information. And that’s where the real work begins.

Tools Don’t Die in the Middle—Misalignment Does

So maybe we’ve been blaming the wrong thing. Maybe tools don’t die in the messy middle because the tools are ineffective. Maybe they die because we keep trying to solve an alignment problem with an execution strategy.

The messy middle is where the inner work begins. And the people who learn to stay there—without dramatizing it, without abandoning themselves, without defaulting to old patterns—become the people who actually sustain change.

Not for a month. But for a life.

Because sustaining impact isn’t about intensity. It’s about coherence.

And the messy middle is where coherence is built.

If you’ve abandoned your resolution, you’re not broken. You’re human. And you may not need a new strategy. You may need a new relationship with the middle.

What I’m Offering Next

By the end of February, Sustaining Impact: From Insight to Alignment will be available in stores.  It was written for the people who are tired of starting over, tired of chasing motivation, and tired of feeling like they should be further along than they are.

And in the first weeks of March, I’ll be offering a three-part live session series designed for anyone who finds themselves stuck in the messy middle:

Awareness — seeing what’s really happening beneath the surface
Activation — shifting what you reinforce, repeat, and return to
Alignment — building a rhythm that makes change sustainable

If you’ve been trying to push your way forward, this is your invitation to do something different.

Not louder. Not harder. But more aligned.

Because the messy middle isn’t where change dies. It’s where real change finally begins.

As this year comes to a close, I’ve found myself pausing—not to look backward, but to notice what has quietly taken shape. A clarity has emerged, not from doing more, but from listening.

This has been a year of clarity. Not the kind that comes from doing more, but the kind that emerges when you listen closely to what is actually working, what is being asked of leaders now, and what no longer needs to be carried forward.

In many ways, Global IOC is standing at a crossroads. Not because something is ending, but because something has matured.

Over the past year, the conversations within our community have deepened. The questions have become more nuanced. The work has moved beyond skills and frameworks and into something more integrated—something that touches how leaders sustain themselves, how cultures hold pressure, and how coaching becomes embedded rather than episodic.

I’m deeply grateful for that.

I’m grateful for the resonance around Sustaining Impact—a body of work shaped over years of coaching, teaching, and witnessing what it truly takes to move insight into lived alignment. I’m grateful for the response to Detach from Drama, which has opened honest dialogue about emotional patterns, reactivity, and the invisible dynamics that shape leadership and relationships at work and at home. And I’m grateful for the growing seriousness with which organizations are approaching the idea of coaching cultures—not as a trend, but as a long-term investment in people and systems.

What has stood out most this year is not momentum for its own sake, but maturity. A shared willingness to slow down, ask better questions, and focus on what sustains rather than what simply accelerates.

That spirit is shaping where Global IOC is headed next.

In the coming months, you’ll see us becoming more focused—not smaller, but clearer. More intentional about pathways. More integrated in how coaching, leadership, and wellbeing intersect. More committed to supporting leaders and coaches who are less interested in doing more, and more devoted to doing what matters well.

Practically, this means curated pathways for leaders moving from skill-building to cultural integration. It means new resources at the intersection of systemic coaching and personal sustainability. It means clearer learning journeys across our programs. It means continuing to support organizations that are serious about embedding coaching as an inner operating system—not a set of isolated skills.

But more than anything, it means staying true to the heart of this community.

Global IOC has never been about chasing trends or offering quick fixes. It has always been about cultivating capacity—for reflection, for discernment, for sustained impact over time. That commitment remains steady, even as the form continues to evolve.

As we move into the new year, my intention is not to rush forward, but to move with clarity and care—holding space for what is emerging, and trusting the wisdom that comes from integration rather than urgency.

Thank you for being part of this community. Thank you for the depth you bring to your work, your leadership, and your learning. And thank you for staying close as we step into what’s next—together.

If this reflection sparks a question about your own path or your organization’s next step, I invite you to reach out to me. The most meaningful directions often start with a quiet conversation.

In every organization, difference is both a mirror and a catalyst. It reveals who we are, what we assume, and how we listen. It invites us to move beyond comfort into connection. Leading and coaching across difference isn’t about managing diversity or navigating difficult conversations—it’s about cultivating awareness, curiosity, and shared meaning in spaces where understanding isn’t automatic.

We don’t need more techniques for handling difference; we need deeper ways of seeing.

Seeing Deeply

David Brooks writes about the art of seeing others—of moving past our projections and categories to truly know another person. In How to Know a Person, he calls this act “moral knowledge,” a way of recognizing another’s interior world.

That’s where leadership across difference begins. Not with a plan, but with presence.

To lead across difference, we first have to see across it—to notice what is unfamiliar without rushing to make it familiar.

Coaching across difference begins with questions that open, not close:

• “What does this experience mean to you?”
• “How has your background shaped the way you see this?”

When people feel seen, they soften. When they feel categorized, they protect. Seeing deeply invites the nervous system to settle so conversation can become real again.

Speaking with Care

Jefferson Fisher’s work on The Next Conversation reminds us that communication isn’t about being right—it’s about being effective. When tension rises, the next conversation either deepens trust or widens the divide.

Leading across difference requires language that connects rather than convinces. It means listening for what’s unsaid as much as what’s spoken, slowing down when the impulse is to defend, and remembering that the goal is not to agree but to understand.

In coaching, I often return to a simple anchor: when emotion rises, inquiry restores balance.

• “Help me understand what’s important to you right now.”
• “What part of this feels misunderstood?”

These questions turn conflict into connection and difference into data for reflection.

The Chemistry of Trust

Judith Glaser, in Conversational Intelligence, helps us understand why this matters so deeply. Every conversation activates chemistry. Trust increases oxytocin; threat increases cortisol.

When difference is present, the brain scans for danger. If it senses judgment or exclusion, the prefrontal cortex—the part that reflects and reasons—goes offline.

This is why logic rarely changes minds, but presence does.

When people feel safe enough to be curious, the conversation shifts from self-protection to co-creation.

We stop trying to prove and begin to explore.

In practice, this means noticing when the conversation tightens and pausing before pressing forward. It means naming what’s happening: “It feels like we might be losing each other—can we take a breath and begin again?”

That moment of awareness restores the possibility of trust.

Owning Our Lens

Vernā Myers reminds us that “diversity is being invited to the party; inclusion is being asked to dance.” But even more than that, inclusion begins with awareness of our own lens.

Each of us interprets through a lifetime of experience—our culture, identity, upbringing, and opportunities. We don’t see the world as it is; we see it as we are. When we lead or coach across difference, we must be as curious about our own perspective as we are about someone else’s.

Ask yourself:

• “What assumptions am I bringing into this space?”
• “Whose experiences might I be unconsciously centering?”

Inclusion isn’t a skillset—it’s a discipline of reflection. It’s the willingness to see how meaning is made differently across perspectives, and to honor those differences as sources of wisdom rather than conflict.

Learning Through Difference

bell hooks wrote that learning happens at the intersection of discomfort and care. Difference, she said, isn’t an obstacle—it’s an opening.

When leaders and coaches view difference as a shared classroom, something shifts.

The goal isn’t to correct another’s view but to expand everyone’s field of understanding.

In these moments, discomfort becomes data, not danger. It signals that something true is being surfaced—something worth staying with.

In coaching, I often find that meaning emerges not from what we teach but from what we discover together. When both people remain open to being changed by the conversation, growth becomes mutual.

Meaning-Making: The Bridge Between Us

Every difference is, at its core, a difference in meaning. Meaning-making is the invisible bridge between worldviews, experiences, and truths. It’s how people make sense of what happens—and how that sense shapes what happens next.

In coaching and leadership, our work is not to impose meaning but to reveal it.

When a story or conflict arises, the most powerful question is often:

• “What does this mean to you?”

It’s astonishing how much unfolds when we ask that with genuine curiosity.

Sometimes, people realize they’ve been living inside an old interpretation that no longer fits. Other times, they discover that two seemingly opposite truths can coexist.

Shared meaning doesn’t erase difference—it integrates it.
It allows us to stand together within the complexity of human experience and still move forward.

From Storytellers to Storyholders

When we truly engage in this shared meaning-making, our role evolves. Across every sector and system, the challenge is no longer just to tell stories—it’s to hold them. To recognize that every story carries responsibility: to context, to truth, and to the people it touches.

To lead across difference is to become a storyholder: someone who can listen without absorbing, challenge without shaming, and stay steady in the presence of multiple truths.

It’s an act of maturity and humility—a way of leading that says, I can hold your story without losing mine.

A Closing Reflection

When we lead and coach across difference, we are doing sacred work. We are building meaning where misunderstanding could live. We are cultivating trust where fear might rise. And we are remembering, together, that difference is not the opposite of belonging—it is the fabric that gives belonging its depth.

Before the next conversation across difference, pause.
Notice your assumptions.
Ask what meaning you are making.
And hold space—not to erase the difference, but to expand what’s possible within it.

This is the ground we will explore in our upcoming webinar, Leading and Coaching Across Differences, on November 5th. We hope you’ll join us and these thought leaders to deepen your practice.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89306258336?pwd=DKiN81Y6PdmueKawvEa6NQlCaoHi14.1

In a world that often encourages us to play it safe, stay small, and second-guess our brilliance, Playing Big by Tara Mohr is a powerful guide for anyone ready to do the deeper inner work of showing up fully and unapologetically.

Mohr’s approach isn’t about hustle or hype it’s about returning to your inner knowing, quieting the voice of fear, and learning to trust your own wisdom. At the heart of the book is her framework for identifying and gently disarming the inner critic, a voice many of us have internalized so deeply that we mistake it for truth. With compassion and clarity, she invites readers to differentiate between the voice of self-doubt and the quieter, wiser voice within the “inner mentor.”

Throughout the book, Mohr integrates personal stories, client experiences, and accessible tools that help readers move from hesitation to action. Her reflections on unhooking from praise and criticism, navigating fear, and communicating with clarity and power are particularly relevant for leaders, creatives, and anyone working to align their outer impact with their inner truth.

For coaches, this book offers not just insights, but practices and tools you can use with clients to help them name their inner critic, shift limiting narratives, and play bigger on their own terms. It’s also an ideal companion for those navigating career change, visibility blocks, or seasons of reinvention.

Playing Big doesn’t promise instant confidence. What it offers instead is something far more sustainable: a grounded, wise, and courageous path toward self-trust.

One day, Daniel’s director pulled him aside and shared some tough feedback. “You’re great at driving results, but your team doesn’t feel heard or supported. If you want long-term success, you need to coach, not just manage.”

This hit Daniel hard. He prided himself on his leadership, but the realization that he was losing great people because of his approach made him pause. Determined to improve, he enrolled in a leadership coaching program focused on transforming managers and leaders into coaching leaders.

The Shift Begins

The program was an eye-opener. At first, coaching felt unnatural. Daniel was used to providing answers, not asking questions. He had always believed leadership meant being the smartest person in the room. But through workshops, role-playing exercises, and real-time coaching sessions, he learned that great leaders don’t have to provide all the answers—they empower their teams to discover solutions themselves.

He started practicing new coaching techniques, including active listening and powerful questioning. Instead of immediately solving problems for his employees, he began asking:

• “What do you think would be the best approach?”
• “What’s the real challenge here?”
• “What’s another way to look at this situation?”

Though it felt uncomfortable at first, he committed to applying what he was learning in his day-to-day leadership.

The Breakthrough Moment

One day, his top performer, Sarah, came to him frustrated about a client issue. Normally, Daniel would have jumped in with a solution. But this time, he remembered what he had learned in his coaching program. He paused, listened deeply, and then asked, “If you had full control, how would you handle this?”

Sarah thought for a moment and then laid out a plan. To Daniel’s surprise, it was better than what he would have suggested. “That sounds like a solid approach,” he said. “Let’s go with your idea.”

The impact was immediate—Sarah walked away feeling empowered, and Daniel realized that his team had more potential than he had given them credit for. This was the moment when coaching truly clicked for him.

The Ripple Effect

As Daniel continued applying what he had learned, his leadership style transformed:

• He replaced directive conversations with one-on-one coaching discussions.
• He encouraged team members to take ownership of their development.
• He shifted from giving critical feedback to asking reflective questions that inspired growth.

The results were undeniable:

• Team engagement soared—people felt heard and valued.
• Problem-solving improved—employees were thinking critically rather than relying on Daniel for answers.
• Turnover dropped significantly—his team became a place where people wanted to work.

The New Daniel

A year later, Daniel’s director pulled him aside again. This time, it wasn’t a warning—it was praise. “I don’t know what changed, but your team is thriving. Keep doing whatever you’re doing.”

Daniel smiled. His leadership coaching program had not only taught him techniques—it had changed his mindset. Coaching wasn’t just a leadership tool; it was a way of thinking, leading, and engaging with his team. And in embracing it, he had not only transformed his team but had also become the leader he had always aspired to be.

Not a Singular Story

Daniel’s journey reflects Dr. Kevin McGarry’s assertion that coaching is more than a leadership tool—it’s a way of leading that fosters belonging and connection. Initially, Daniel led with efficiency and results in mind, but his shift toward coaching transformed not only his leadership style but also the culture of his team. By embracing coaching, he created a psychologically safe workplace, encouraged open dialogue, and empowered his employees to take ownership of their growth.

McGarry’s work reinforces that coaching isn’t just about improving individual performance—it’s about cultivating an environment where employees feel valued, engaged, and connected. Daniel’s story exemplifies this transformation, showing how coaching leadership can create a thriving workplace where both people and business results flourish.

Organizational success requires leaders skill development at every level.  In “Scaling Leadership” Anderson and Adams emphasize that coaching is not just a skill but a way of leading—one that aligns with self-awareness, authenticity, and long-term impact. By integrating coaching into leadership, organizations can create workplaces where employees not only perform but truly belong.  Coaching is essential for developing leadership at scale, as it empowers employees to step into their own leadership potential, reinforcing a sense of inclusion and contribution rather than just compliance. It also creates psychological safety and engagement by building trust and openness, making people feel heard, supported, and valued—critical components of belonging. Additionally, coaching helps unlock potential and growth by ensuring employees are recognized for their unique strengths and encouraged to develop them, reinforcing their sense of worth and connection to the organization. In an increasingly complex and uncertain world, coaching equips employees with the adaptability and resilience to navigate change, fostering collaboration and shared problem-solving rather than isolation and fear. Ultimately, coaching is a key lever in transforming organizational culture from a fear-based, reactive environment to one of creativity, connection, and purpose.

Finally, Dr. Richard Boyatzis, shares in “Coaching with Compassion”  that a key advantage of coaching is its ability to drive sustainable behavior change and development. Unlike directive leadership, which can trigger defensiveness, coaching with compassion engages the Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA)—a psychological state that promotes openness, learning, and long-term growth. This results in employees who are more adaptive, self-motivated, and willing to take on new challenges. Coaching also contributes to improved well-being and resilience by reducing stress and enhancing employees’ sense of purpose and fulfillment at work. Furthermore, leaders who coach foster a culture of learning and innovation, providing a safe space for exploration and risk-taking, which encourages creativity and problem-solving.

Leaders who coach bring significant advantages to their organizations and teams, as highlighted by Richard Boyatzis. Coaching enhances employee engagement and motivation by inspiring and supporting individuals rather than relying on directive leadership or micromanagement. This approach leads to higher job satisfaction, commitment, and a deeper connection to the organization. Additionally, coaching improves performance and goal attainment by helping employees align their personal aspirations with organizational objectives, fostering both individual and collective success. Leaders who coach also develop stronger emotional and social intelligence, allowing them to build deeper relationships, enhance team dynamics, and create a more connected and collaborative work environment.

Ultimately, Boyatzis emphasizes that coaching is not about fixing problems but about unlocking people’s potential by focusing on their strengths, aspirations, and personal growth. This approach not only builds a strong leadership pipeline but also fosters a culture where employees feel valued, supported, and connected. In doing so, coaching becomes a powerful tool for creating belonging at work, ensuring that employees thrive both personally and professionally.

These coaching principles along with other research-based concepts have been integrated into the Coach as Leader; Leader as Coach program sponsored by Global IOC.  The program is co-facilitated by Dr. Kevin McGarry and Dr. Peggy Marshall.  For more information about the program, click on this link.  Leader as Coach, Coach as Leader Program – Global Institute of Organizational Coaching