In How to Know a Person, David Brooks invites us into one of the most essential relational practices: the art of seeing others deeply and being seen in return. He argues that amid social fragmentation, polarization, and loneliness, the skill of genuine interpersonal connection is exactly what’s missing in our personal, professional, and civic lives. His overarching claim, as noted by Kirkus Reviews, is this:

“There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”

Brooks structures the book around three parts:

1. “I See You” – the basic mechanics of noticing, attention, and presence. (Friends Journal)
2. “I See You in Your Struggles” – how seeing plays out in suffering, difference, vulnerability, and culture. (Friends Journal)
3. “I See You with Your Strengths” – how seeing someone deeply involves recognizing their potential, their story, and their identity. (Friends Journal)

Along the way, Brooks introduces evocative categories such as “Illuminators” versus “Diminishers,” showing how some people bring out the best in others through the quality of their attention and presence, while others unintentionally shrink those around them through neglect, ignorance, or haste.

While How to Know a Person offers a meaningful framework for how to see others deeply, the book isn’t without its limits. The examples often draw from a fairly narrow, educated milieu, which can make the message feel less universal. The middle chapters also lose some of the clarity and momentum of the opening, veering into loosely connected stories rather than a cohesive argument. Still, the heart of his message—that to know others we must first learn how to see—remains both relevant and resonant, particularly for coaches and leaders seeking to build relational depth and psychological safety.

Key Insights for Coaches and Leaders

Attention matters: If one thing emerged from my reading as a coach and practitioner, it’s this: the nervous system settles when someone feels seen. Brooks’ language supports this truth—seeing isn’t just kind, it’s regulatory.

Beyond technique: Brooks pushes us away from “tips for conversation” toward habits of presence. His distinction between an Illuminator (someone who brings others to life) and a Diminisher (someone who unwittingly shrinks them) aligns beautifully with drama-work: where do we activate connection, and where do we reactivate distance?

Story + identity: Brooks emphasizes that each person “is a point of view. For coaching across difference, this ties directly to meaning-making: to coach another is to step into their lived narrative, not just their immediate behavior.

Universal but personal: Brooks reminds us that this isn’t just about others—it’s also about how we live. He confesses his own journey from being “in my head” to learning to be emotionally available. For leaders, the invitation is clear: reflect on your inner relational stance as much as your outer strategy.

The relational economy: In teams, workplaces, and communities, Brooks’ themes map onto psychological safety, emotional regulation, and meaningful engagement. When people feel seen—especially across difference—they are more likely to engage, innovate, and collaborate.

Closing Reflection

Brooks reminds us that truly knowing another person is both a moral act and a relational discipline. It asks more of us than empathy—it asks presence, humility, and a willingness to let another’s experience expand our own. In coaching and leadership, this becomes the quiet work beneath every conversation: seeing not to fix, but to understand; listening not to respond, but to reveal meaning.

When we learn to see beyond behavior into story, and beyond story into humanity, difference no longer divides—it deepens connection. Brooks’ work reinforces what many of us have discovered through practice: that awareness is the beginning of transformation, and that to help others grow, we must first learn how to see.

Every so often, a book arrives that causes me to pause—not because it dazzles with new jargon, but because it clarifies something we all feel yet rarely name. Tasha Eurich’s Insight is one of those books.

Her research shines a spotlight on self-awareness: the foundation of leadership, growth, and impact. She reveals the surprising truth that while 95% of us believe we are self-aware, only 10–15% actually are. That gap explains so much of the exasperation we feel when working with leaders who cannot see their own blind spots. But Insight doesn’t leave us stuck in frustration—it shows us pathways forward.

What I appreciate most is Eurich’s balance of rigor and accessibility. She grounds her insights in data and case studies, yet the stories feel close to home. She reminds us that self-awareness has two dimensions: the internal mirror of knowing ourselves and the external mirror of understanding how others experience us. Too often, we lean toward one and neglect the other. Eurich helps us see why both matter.

My Three Takeaways

1. Self-awareness is rarer than we think.
   I knew self-awareness was important, but I hadn’t fully grasped just how scarce it truly is. Eurich’s research shows that the majority of us think we see ourselves clearly, yet only a small percentage actually do. For leaders, this gap is costly. It explains the disconnect we’ve all witnessed—the executive who insists they’re a “great communicator” while their team quietly disengages, or the manager who believes they’re empowering but is experienced as controlling. This takeaway alone makes the book worth buying, because it challenges our assumptions and demands we ask: Am I as self-aware as I think I am?
2. Insight without action is incomplete.
   Eurich makes it clear that reflection, while valuable, is only part of the journey. True self-awareness requires translation into behavior. I was struck by how often leaders confuse awareness with transformation, as if naming a pattern is enough to change it. Eurich reminds us that the real work begins after the insight—when we practice new choices, build new habits, and embody new ways of showing up. For me, this validated much of what I teach: that insight is the spark, but embodiment is the flame that sustains impact.
3. Feedback is a gift, not a threat.
   Of all the book’s messages, this one may be the hardest—and the most transformative. External self-awareness requires us to welcome feedback, not as criticism to defend against but as fuel for growth. Eurich illustrates how even well-meaning leaders can remain blind without the courage to hear how they affect others. What I loved here is her honesty: feedback is uncomfortable, but without it, we can’t grow. This reminder alone is worth underlining: we cannot cultivate true self-awareness in isolation. As pause here, make sure the people you ask for feedback can give you information to help you grow.  As Marshall Goldsmith says, the word should be “feedforward” focusing on future opportunities for growth.

For leaders, this book is not optional reading—it’s essential. It offers not just tools for reflection, but also a deeper invitation: to have the humility and courage to see ourselves clearly, even when it’s uncomfortable. And in that clarity, we find the possibility of authentic change.

As I prepare to launch From Selfie to Self-Aware, I find myself deeply grateful for Eurich’s work. Her research strengthens what I have long believed: insight is the beginning, but embodiment is what sustains.

My recommendation: buy this book. Read it slowly. Let it challenge you. Let it hold up a mirror. And then ask not only, What do I see? but Who am I becoming?

Emotions as Data, Not Disruptions

At the heart of Kross’s message is a reframe. Emotions aren’t problems to suppress, nor are they simply waves to ride out passively. They are signals—sources of information about what matters, what feels threatened, and what deserves attention. Instead of seeing emotions as “good” or “bad,” Kross invites us to treat them as pieces of data. The real skill, he argues, is learning how to shift our relationship with them before they spiral into patterns of rumination, conflict, or avoidance.

This shift begins in the body. Kross reminds us that emotions surge faster than conscious thought. Our amygdala and stress response light up in milliseconds, sending signals to tense muscles, quicken breath, and narrow focus. In those moments, we are primed for fight-or-flight rather than reflection or choice. His work highlights a truth many leaders and teams recognize daily: we often react before we realize what’s happening.

The Toolkit of “Shifters”

The most practical contribution of Shift is what Kross calls “shifters”—strategies to redirect the trajectory of emotion. These tools don’t deny the feeling; they interrupt its momentum and open space for a wiser response.

• Sensory Shifters: Engaging the senses—through music, movement, scent, or even taste—can calm the nervous system and change our state almost instantly. For example, stepping outside for a few breaths of fresh air can signal safety to the body in ways words alone cannot.
• Attention Shifters: Where we place attention determines whether emotion intensifies or softens. Kross suggests deliberately redirecting focus, sometimes through simple tasks, to loosen the grip of a strong emotion.
• Perspective Shifters: Stepping back to reframe the story, ask how we’ll see the moment in a week or a year, or view the situation from another’s perspective helps us recognize that feelings are not the whole truth.
• Environmental and Social Shifters: Our surroundings and relationships profoundly shape emotion. A cluttered space, a tense colleague, or a supportive friend all influence whether emotion escalates or eases. Choosing our environment—and the people we confide in—becomes part of managing emotion wisely.

What makes Kross’s approach so compelling is its grounding in both neuroscience and lived experience. His stories—from personal struggles to examples drawn from sports, business, and everyday life—illustrate that these shifts are not abstract theories but accessible moves we can make in real time.

The Power of Small Shifts

A key insight in Shift is that emotional regulation is not about monumental changes. It’s about a series of small, deliberate redirections that accumulate over time. A single breath, a quick reframe, a walk around the block—these minor interventions prevent emotions from calcifying into narratives or escalating into destructive behavior.

In leadership contexts, these small shifts make the difference between a reactive outburst that erodes trust and a thoughtful response that strengthens credibility. For teams, they can determine whether tension becomes drama or dialogue.

Where Shift Meets PAUSE

Reading Shift alongside the PAUSE model feels like finding two halves of the same whole. Kross provides the science and strategies—the “how” of emotional redirection. PAUSE offers the structure and intention—the “when and why.”

• Pause and Notice mirrors Kross’s call to observe the body’s signals before they sweep us away.
• Acknowledge What’s Present echoes his research on labeling emotions to reduce their intensity.
• Uncover the Pattern parallels his perspective shifters, asking us to step back and see the bigger picture behind the trigger.
• Steady and Shift is almost identical to his attention and sensory shifters—practices that regulate the nervous system so clarity can return.
• Explore Options and Take Aligned Action reflects his emphasis on creating an “emotion roadmap,” where choice reopens after reactivity has passed.

Together, Shift and PAUSE remind us that we don’t need to eliminate emotions or fear them. We need to recognize them, work with them, and channel them into actions that reflect our values rather than our impulses.

Why Read Shift

For leaders and coaches, Shift is more than a book about emotion—it’s a guide to building environments where clarity, connection, and psychological safety thrive. When leaders model emotional regulation, they create space for others to do the same. When they use shifters intentionally, they interrupt cycles of drama and open pathways for trust and collaboration.

Paired with PAUSE, Kross’s work equips leaders with both the mindset and the mechanics for navigating high-pressure moments. It shows us that transformation doesn’t begin in grand gestures, it begins in the split second where we notice a feeling, steady ourselves, and choose to shift.

Final Reflection

Think of a recent moment where emotion nearly managed you.

• What small shift might have changed its trajectory?
• Which PAUSE step would have opened that space?

Ethan Kross’s Shift and the PAUSE model both affirm that emotions are not obstacles to leadership but invitations to deeper presence. Together, they offer a powerful playbook for interrupting drama, leading with intention, and turning moments of tension into opportunities for growth

In today’s workplaces, technical skill alone isn’t enough. Leaders are called on to navigate ambiguity, high-pressure change, and the unpredictable human side of collaboration. In Emotional Agility, Harvard psychologist Susan David offers a research-based framework for one of the most critical—and overlooked—leadership capacities: the ability to work with emotions rather than be driven by them.

David defines emotional agility as the ability to be with your thoughts, feelings, and stories in a way that is flexible, values-driven, and constructive. In other words, it’s the skill of working with your internal experience rather than being run by it.

She identifies two traps that derail emotional agility:

• Hooking – This happens when a thought or feeling grabs hold of you and drives behavior without reflection. You might find yourself replaying a perceived slight from a meeting, or making a decision out of frustration rather than careful consideration. Hooking often comes with urgency—the impulse to act now, defend yourself, or shut someone down—without pausing to ask if that’s really the most effective choice.
• Fusion – Here, we merge with our thoughts and treat them as absolute truth. If you think, “They don’t respect me,” fusion makes it feel indisputable, even when it’s one interpretation among many. Fusion keeps us locked into one perspective and blinds us to nuance or alternative explanations.

David’s alternative is a process of four key practices that together create the flexibility, perspective, and values alignment leaders need.

1. Showing Up – Rather than avoiding discomfort or trying to project “everything’s fine,” showing up means acknowledging what you feel—anger, anxiety, disappointment—and allowing it into your awareness without shame. In leadership, this builds authenticity and trust, showing others that emotions are part of the work, not a weakness to hide.
2. Stepping Out – This is the mental shift from being inside the thought or feeling to observing it. You might notice, “I’m feeling defensive right now,” which creates distance and reduces the automatic power of the reaction. This is where reflection begins.
3. Walking Your Why – Values become your compass here. When emotions are running high, asking “What matters most in this situation?” helps align your response with your deeper principles rather than your momentary reactions.
4. Moving On – Emotional agility doesn’t mean waiting until the feeling passes; it’s about taking small, intentional steps that honor your values even while discomfort is present. Leaders who can “move on” demonstrate resilience and model for others that progress is possible without perfection.

For leaders, these skills are game-changing. Emotional agility allows you to respond to feedback without defensiveness, handle conflict without escalation, and remain grounded in the face of change. It’s the difference between being reactive in the moment and being responsive in service of the bigger picture.

At Global IOC, we see emotional agility as a cornerstone of coaching cultures. That’s why both our Registered Professional Coach (RPC) and Senior Registered Professional Coach (SRPC) programs include a full module dedicated to developing it. In these programs, we go beyond the theory—helping leaders apply emotional agility in real time:

• Recognizing when they’re hooked by a narrative or reaction.
• Practicing how to “step out” and create space between emotion and action.
• Using values-based alignment to guide team decisions and conversations.
• Building resilience by moving forward with small, meaningful shifts rather than waiting for the “perfect” solution.

This applied practice turns emotional agility from a personal competency into an organizational capability. When leaders model it, teams learn that emotions are not to be avoided, but understood and navigated. This creates a foundation of psychological safety, innovation, and adaptability—qualities every organization needs in today’s environment.

If you haven’t read Emotional Agility, I recommend it as both a personal guide and a leadership resource. And if you want to move from reading about it to living it in your leadership and coaching, our RPC and SRPC programs are the next step.

We live in a world that often rewards confidence more than curiosity, where being right can seem more valuable than being open. In Think Again, organizational psychologist Adam Grant invites us to consider a different path—one where wisdom comes not from holding tightly to our beliefs, but from the courage to question them.

At its core, Think Again is about the power—and the necessity—of rethinking. Grant makes a compelling case that our ability to revisit, revise, and sometimes even relinquish our ideas is one of the most important skills we can cultivate in a rapidly changing world. Whether we’re leading teams, parenting children, navigating conflict, or making personal decisions, the ability to pause and ask, “What if I’m wrong?” becomes a gateway to growth.

What makes this book especially timely is its relevance across domains. Grant explores rethinking on three levels: within ourselves, in our conversations with others, and in the cultures we create. Along the way, he introduces us to the mindsets that can keep us stuck—what he calls the Preacher, Prosecutor, and Politician modes of thinking. The preacher defends sacred beliefs. The prosecutor attacks opposing views. The politician seeks approval. All of them, he argues, make it harder to truly learn. The alternative? Thinking like a scientist—curious, humble, and grounded in the willingness to change one’s mind in light of new evidence.

For those of us in leadership or coaching roles, this book offers not just insight but challenge. Grant reminds us that certainty is seductive, especially when we’re seen as experts or decision-makers. But confident humility—the ability to know what we know while staying open to what we don’t—may be the more powerful stance. In one of the book’s most memorable sections, he describes how effective leaders create space for dissent, invite counterviews, and model learning aloud, even in high-stakes environments.

Grant doesn’t preach from a distance. He shares stories of entrepreneurs who avoided collapse by questioning their own business models, teachers who transformed classrooms by normalizing mistakes, and individuals who used the tools of motivational interviewing to shift conversations that might otherwise have stalled in defensiveness. These examples, woven with research from behavioral science and psychology, offer a hopeful reminder: change is possible—even when it’s hard.

What stays with me most after reading Think Again is not a single framework or technique, but a feeling—a kind of quiet encouragement to lead with less armor and more openness. In a culture that often equates changing your mind with weakness, Grant argues that rethinking is a strength, a sign not of indecision but of wisdom.

For coaches, facilitators, and anyone guiding others through change, this book is more than useful—it’s resonant. It speaks to the practice of holding space for others to see what they couldn’t yet see, and to do the same for ourselves. As Grant writes, “If knowledge is power, knowing what we don’t know is wisdom.”

And perhaps, in the end, that’s the invitation: not just to think again, but to live again—more flexibly, more relationally, and more courageously.

Why this classic on personal and organizational transformation still matters—especially when we’re trying to sustain impact.

One of the most common misconceptions about change is that once people are motivated and committed, the change will naturally stick. But as anyone who’s led or lived through transformation knows, that’s rarely the case. This is exactly the tension that Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey explore with insight, depth, and compassion. And it’s why this book remains a foundational resource for anyone serious about not just starting change but sustaining it.

Immunity to Change begins with a simple but profound observation: people and organizations often fail to follow through on their best intentions, not because they’re lazy or uncommitted, but because they are unconsciously protecting something. Kegan and Lahey call this protection system an “immunity to change.” It’s a psychological defense, often invisible to the individual, that functions much like the immune system in your body: it resists what it perceives as a threat, even if that “threat” is the very change you’re trying to create.

This concept alone shifts the narrative from one of judgment (“Why can’t I just do it?”) to one of curiosity and compassion: “What am I protecting, and why?” The authors introduce a practical, step-by-step method for identifying your stated goal (what you want to change), the behaviors that contradict that goal, the hidden commitments driving those behaviors, and the big assumptions underlying those hidden commitments.

This framework is both elegant and confronting. It helps people name the internal conflicts that quietly undermine their progress, often rooted in fear, self-protection, or outdated narratives. For example, a leader might want to empower their team but continue micromanaging. A coach might want to grow their practice but avoid visibility. A team might want to innovate but cling to familiar ways of working. Once these underlying commitments and assumptions are surfaced, change can finally move from aspiration to integration.

Kegan and Lahey’s work offers a powerful complement to the Sustaining Impact process. It reinforces a core truth, insight is not enough. Sustained change requires awareness of the invisible forces working against your best intentions. This book lives squarely in the Clearing and Courage phases of the Sustaining Impact process—Clearing, because it helps identify and release unconscious blocks, and Courage, because surfacing your inner resistance takes honesty, self-awareness, and emotional resilience.

Importantly, it reminds us that resistance isn’t the enemy, it’s information. Once seen clearly, it becomes a doorway to deeper transformation. This book is a must-read for coaches looking to help clients unlock what’s really holding them back, for leaders who feel stuck in patterns despite clear vision and intention, for teams navigating cultural or strategic shifts that just won’t stick, and for anyone who’s tired of repeating the same patterns and ready to look deeper.

It’s not a quick read, but it’s a transformational one. It requires you to slow down, reflect deeply, and engage with your inner world. But the result is a change that’s not just possible, it’s durable.

Immunity to Change doesn’t promise fast fixes. What it offers instead is something far more valuable: a deeper understanding of what gets in our way—and a practical path to move through it. If you’re serious about sustaining impact, this book will help you do the inner work that makes outer change truly possible.

One of the book’s central themes is the introduction of five core elements of well-being: Career Well-Being, Social Well-Being, Financial Well-Being, Physical Well-Being, and Community Well-Being. According to Clifton and Harter, these elements are crucial for creating resilient and thriving teams. Career Well-Being focuses on finding meaning and purpose in daily work, while Social Well-Being emphasizes building strong and supportive relationships. Financial Well-Being is about managing finances effectively to reduce stress, and Physical Well-Being centers on maintaining good health and energy through positive habits. Lastly, Community Well-Being highlights the importance of feeling connected and contributing to one’s community. The authors argue that when these five elements are prioritized, employees not only perform better but also experience higher satisfaction and engagement.

A key message of the book is the pivotal role that leadership plays in fostering well-being. Clifton and Harter stress that leaders must go beyond traditional management and evolve into coaches who mentor and guide their teams toward building resilience and thriving both personally and professionally. Leaders are encouraged to model healthy behaviors, practice empathy, and actively support their teams in adopting well-being practices. By doing so, they create a workplace culture that values well-being as an integral part of daily operations rather than a mere add-on.

Another powerful aspect of the book is its focus on leveraging individual strengths through the Clifton Strengths assessment. The authors advocate for a strengths-based approach, where employees are encouraged to develop and use their unique strengths consistently. This approach fosters higher morale, motivation, and job satisfaction, while also aligning individual potential with organizational goals. By integrating strengths-based practices into well-being strategies, leaders can help their teams feel more confident and engaged.

The book goes beyond theory by offering practical strategies to implement well-being initiatives effectively. Some of the actionable recommendations include creating flexible work arrangements to alleviate stress, offering financial literacy programs to enhance financial security, fostering open communication and psychological safety, and building a culture of recognition and gratitude. Additionally, the authors highlight the importance of wellness programs that address both physical and mental health needs. These practical applications make the book a valuable resource not only for leaders but also for coaches and HR professionals seeking to build and sustain a well-being-centered culture.

Clifton and Harter’s message is clear: well-being is not a luxury or a trendy initiative but a fundamental component of sustainable leadership. By placing well-being at the heart of organizational strategy, leaders can build resilient, engaged, and high-performing teams. The book challenges outdated leadership models by emphasizing a human-centric approach that prioritizes people over processes.

“Wellbeing at Work” is more than just a guide; it is a call to action for leaders to rethink how they support their employees. Through data-driven insights, real-world examples, and practical advice, the authors make a strong case for making well-being a core organizational priority. Whether you’re a leader, a coach, or an HR professional, this book will inspire you to adopt new strategies that foster a thriving workplace. It’s a highly recommended read for anyone committed to sustainable leadership and team success.